The Godfather

If you took a poll of parents in the U.S. and told them that their children were going to be forced to view all 179 minutes of the Godfather but for one solitary scene of their choosing, I bet I know which one most would pick. Of course they'd pick the one boobie scene, when Apollonia Corleone takes off her shirt and hugs Michael. But how ridiculous is that? This isn't Wedding Crashers. This is a couple about to have sex on their flipping wedding night. I personally would pick the scene where Luca Brazi gets garrotted by Solozzo's men. Now that is a big time inappropriate scene for the younger set.

You could make the case that kids shouldn't see the movie at all. The MPAA would back you up on that one, too. But there is no one in the universe who can tell me honestly that their children would suffer more harm for having seen a couple about to consumate their marriage than Santino's body being riddled with bullets. What Michael and Apollonia do isn't unnatural, it isn't "high-risk" behavior, it isn't even stylized fantasy that could maybe give kids the wrong idea about sex. It's their wedding night for heaven's sake! Be fruitful and multiply! Remember that one? They're obeying a direct command from God!

Now I have no backup info on this, no actual survey was administered, and I have no way of knowing for sure that this is how such a survey would shake out. All I have to go on are my considerable psychic powers combined with a pretty good idea of what they take out of the TV version. And also, of course, burning with the intensity of a thousand suns, the confidence that I am absolutely correct.