Paul Anka

Who on earth chose the songs that Paul Anka sings on his new record? Is he kidding? He must be. There’s really no other explanation. Is Paul Anka really looking to break into the joke-lounge genre? Did Dick Cheese himself produce this album? I can’t imagine a worse line-up of tunes for the guy. Paul Anka has a really good voice. Surely there are songs, even “oh, that’s interesting” songs, that he could have sung of the non-convulsive-laughter-producing variety. Smells Like Teen Spirit? Eye of the Tiger? Jump?!?! The guys mixing the tracks in the studio must have hardly been able to contain themselves. “Paul, take it…hold on…wait…(hysterics)…dude, shut up…hey, Paul, could you take it from ‘an albino?’ (sound of production crew absolutely losing it).” This is like that weird girl from The Apprentice who was cast to be on another reality show, except for the fact that it wasn’t a reality show at all, but a show about people getting duped into thinking they were on a reality show. I feel bad for Paulie. He doesn’t deserve this. This is the work of truly evil people. Seriously, whoever orchestrated this atrocity has about the same moral compass as the guys who did Bumfights. I suppose someone might have honestly thought that they could replicate the relative success of William Shatner by getting an old crooner to sing the musical equivalent of a chimp putting on deodorant. At least Shatner is fully in control of the unintentional comedy that radiates from him like so many beta particles. Poor Paul Anka. Someone should pay for this. Wait…


(Hat tip: Corrente)